So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
