I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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