hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How does one acquire holy water?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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