i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
