I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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