You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
