I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
