Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
ok first of all what the fuck
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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