Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't turn off my feet"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
