It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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