Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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