i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
