Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
