I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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