is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
