The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
