We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize