I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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