Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He felt like a one man threesome
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
