I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
