Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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