problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
