it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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