Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
