We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
