Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
