Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
