The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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