I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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