Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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