Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize