you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
