Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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