Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
