Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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