So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
