Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry about my life...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
