And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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