is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize