You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
