Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
