She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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