Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Please don't give away my fajitas
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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