i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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