how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
