I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
