I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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