...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
