i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
