dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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