It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
