I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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