Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
