I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
