Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
