He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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