it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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