Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
