Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
