i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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