please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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