i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
