The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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