no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
