we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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