You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
whose parrot is this?
The Olympian is in my bed
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