we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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