if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So squirting runs in the family.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize