Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
