I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
