After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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