I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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