I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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