I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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