Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize