ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Damn victory sex feels great
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
