Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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