I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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