at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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