Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I checked into jail on foursquare
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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