It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize