Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
3pm strippers are depressing
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
