just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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