Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think your dad took our porno
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
